RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize