I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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