i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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