He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
