Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
