I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
