i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
