the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
