My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize