mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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