I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
