literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
