Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
