Can Purell be used as lube?
someone owes me an orgasm
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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