6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize