Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
