Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
