just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
