$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
