I didn't shave. On purpose
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
