Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
