God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize