Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
