Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
