I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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