My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
