Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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