did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
