Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My life is pants optional.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
