You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
