You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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