Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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