I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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