1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
