The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
