It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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