"it" just moved
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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