Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
