I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
