dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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