Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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