I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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