So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
