KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
