so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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