I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
