Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
