yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
