I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
