there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
