She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
