miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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