She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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