he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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