Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize