My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
