I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
