Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize