It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
