the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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