doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
