It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
