I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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