He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
