If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
