I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
