JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
