What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
