and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dignity is for republicans.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
