Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FUCK WHALES
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
