oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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