Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
