1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
