May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
