I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
