I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
