So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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