So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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