so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
