this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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