your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you didnt know i had herpes?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
