Princesses don't give blow jobs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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