Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
