Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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