don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
