So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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