Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
