Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
