remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
