Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
