Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
